Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
