this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
