Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
