so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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