My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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