I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
