Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
