also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
