I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
