According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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