I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
