i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
