Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
