I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
