theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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