There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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