Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
