Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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