those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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