Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
