you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
