I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
