No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
