Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
