How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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