Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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