I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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