You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
