I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
