My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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