Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
