He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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