I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
