I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
