I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
