I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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