If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
