I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
