his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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