Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
