You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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