you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
