Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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