You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
