turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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