I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
