Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
