Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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