Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
