she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
