I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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