I'm jealous of your bromance
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
