she woke up with a sticky ear
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
