I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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