I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
