I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
